I’m sitting here writing a sentence and then immediately deleting it. Rewriting. Deleting. I’m trying to form the words to describe how annoyed I am with the celtics recent woes. A four game losing streak is immensely depressing. We’ve been relatively spoiled. Killing it whilst the cavs are seemingly imploding. I can’t continue talking shit about the Cavs if my Cs don’t step it up! We’ve lost our defensive edge and look offensively lost. Once again, much like last season, they’re allotting all the offense to fall upon our star point guard. Although a different point gawd, it yields the same results. They can’t do it alone! Our shots aren’t sinking and kyrie is the only one that is consistently coming through. Although al has been efficient and productive and just overall himself, it’s not enough. And it’s super discouraging. Last nights game against the Lakers had me bugging. Regardless of their young star Kuzmas’ ball out sesh, it shouldn’t have gotten that close to begin with. The Lakers have won less than 20 games and the Cs are sitting on top of their conference, still, despite their recent struggles. It shouldn’t have been a struggle at all. But it won’t be long until we’re right there with the cavs unless, regardless the differences in issues, we need to get our shit together. We need mad Dad Stevens to come out, jayson Tatum to figure out his shot, and Marcus to never again shoot a potential game winning 3 when Terry Goatzier is wide tf open. I know it’s only a 4 game losing streak but this shit genuinely dictates my emotional and mental state so much! Figure it out boys. For the sake of my sanity!
That being said, I wanted to touch upon something totally opposite. I was scrolling through my instagram this morning upon waking up (as we all do), and as I scrolled (quickly) by all the reminders of the terrible L we took, I went onto my discover page. It’s usually flooded with the same, redundant material. Sports, Boston scenery, the Kardashian’s (I don’t follow one of them so idk how that happens), and women posing for pics. I ended up on this one woman’s account and found myself watching her story. It was her and her husband talking at the phone. They were basically stating how bullshit Instagram and social media is and how it completely dictates ones mentality. How we see shit online and think that that’s what’s normal and that’s what we need to “compete” with to be seen as societally “accepted”. It massively resonated with me. I found myself watching this random woman’s entire story. She seemed vulnerable and tired of it. I 100% understood.
I’ve for some reason built a relatively large audience on twitter and Instagram. Whether it’s for a commonality of interest in Boston sports/Celtics, basketball, how I look or how I just seem to say whatever I want (which really doesn’t differ from how I am in real life), I’m appreciative of this audience. Although, I question its authenticity. I feel like if I don’t continuously feed my audience what they “want”, whether it’s pics of me out with my friends, or post/pics of me being at celtics games or just selfies in sometimes a little less clothing, I feel I’ll lose that audience. It seems so superficial and difficult to sustain. I don’t think people understand how deep this goes. But I also feel they do. Some don’t want to admit it though. We spend 75% of our days staring at screens instead of being immersed in what’s going on in our immediate surroundings with the ones that are actually there with us. It’s so sad. I’m so tired of it to be honest. The pressure of feeling like I need to maintain a certain image to please everyone else. I think it’s something every one does but no one really talks about. An immense taboo. It’s awkward to yield to a dialogue because we’re all doing it. I want more authenticity. I want people to know me more than a Cs personality and for what I look like. I want people to understand my passions, my dreams, goals, my humor. They go far beyond basketball and the superficial realm of social media.
I see my nieces and nephew (who are all under 10), and the kids I nanny, spend their days on their iPhones and iPads. The best part of my 90s childhood (best. decade. ever), was spending my days outside, riding my bike, literally playing with sticks and rocks (idk), and genuinely enjoying every fucking second of it so much so that I couldn’t wait to do it again the next day, and the next. It’s such a rarity these days. I tell these kids in my life to go out and play and be a child and they’re like “what do we do?” and it breaks my heart! Like, these screens are shaping their imaginations, but, they’re shaping ours too. We’re not much different. Just differing material we choose to focus on. I’m over it.
As much as I genuinely appreciate the love I get from my social media and the shared passion of basketball and the Celtics I can discuss with you all, the other parts are draining. Y’all see MsSamanthaMay. Not Sam. Not the Sam that’s home in her pjs with a mask on, jammin and dancing around my crib to my vinyls. Or the Sam that almost cries every time there’s a thunderstorm (petrified, okay), or the Sam that wears no makeup and watches Planet Earth on the weekends. You see the beautiful edited photos of Sam. The dressed up to the nines in my red bottoms, out in Boston Sam. The Sam that’s in the garden nearly every game. Because that’s what I need to post for likes. For validation. To cater to my audience. That’s what I feel y’all want. It’s superficial.
I want real. I started this blog because I want real. I stated in one of my initial blogs that if you establish a relatively large audience, you must do something positive with it or it’s seemingly pointless. I shared some insight about how I intended to unify my two largest passions in basketball and special needs children and hold a basketball day camp for kids with autism and other developmental delays. Over the last few weeks, I’ve booked a date, set the location at the Boston Celtics practice facility, got donations for food, tee shirts, some special guest volunteers, a photographer and several special needs teachers and specialists that’ll help me with this. I am overjoyed that I’m able to do this and I’m looking forward to April. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t established this following base and all these resources. It’s such a catch 22. I appreciate you all and genuinely want to do better in spreading more important, bigger things than just an Instagram post.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”